We Will Detain Monsters with Extreme Prejudice

I have to take a step back… From my bike and from the original theme of this blog, that is.

Yep, things are gonna change here for a while.  After making our way up the North coast of Peru, breaking my own personal record by cycling 100 miles in one day, smashing steak and beans by the kilo, posting on the beach for five days and meeting three Brazilian cyclicts with whom we formed an unstoppable 10 wheeled cyclone of steele and muscle that rips asphalt and creates lightening…

Wait, did I just say ‘rips asphalt’?

Thats not the point.  What  I am really trying to get at is that before I could even let the Peruvian saga seep in all the way and let my nerve damaged fingers strike the keyboard, I was already halfway through Ecuador.  Our new friends Tiago, Carloz and Kico are the Brazilian trifecta that have perfected me and my buddy Nates already near unstoppable leg power.  Relying on the kindness of strangers, whom happen to be Ecuadorian people as a whole, we made it from sea level, to over 13,000 feet, and back down to 9,000 all in two weeks time.  Tired, missing home, loved ones and toilets, we are settled here in Quito.  Looks like this will be my home for the next month, but unlike previous times, Haji will try to keep you informed, even when he (I!)is not riding bikes.


In the Spirit of trying to create a home away from home, I am curious about what I may be missing back in the good ol’ U.S. of A.  So many questions, will my readers…if there are any, help me out

1.  Will the Chupacabra ever make it into the U.S.?  Or will governor Rick Perry win the oval office and deploy Bigfoot to the border to ensure he will never make it past immigration and customs.

2.  Is Occupy Wallstreet really a cohesive political movement that, like its rival, the Tea Party, has emerged from out of nowhere and could eventually take shape into a cohesive political party?

Or is it doomed to be equated to a photo of a person taking a shit on a car anytime anti-wallstreet grievances are addressed by someone other than the Tea Party?

3.  Will Dexter kill Casey Anthony in season 6?  I mean, they’re both from Florida.

4.  Will our next president be a fascist, a pussy, or a fascist pussy?

The Tea-baggers and G.O.P. will probably decide that one…

5.  Will the U.S. really try to reassert itself  in the Middle East after the Arab Spring?  Will the region bestow  real democratic revolutions upon itself ? Or will the ghosts of Qadaffi and Bin Laden combine forces and create something so sinister that invading Iran would look like kid shit?

6.  Will the N.B.A. be replaced by a Lebron reality show this season?  Or will Kobe just give him a fucking ring already?

Seriously guys, I’m struggling here.  I paid so much of my attention to South America that I just can’t make sense of what is happening in my own country.  Anyone got something real to say about it?

Wait.  I do.

Bigfoot will detain any and all other monsters with extreme prejudice, thus barring drugs from reaching our precious children who never asked to be exposed to marijuana and cocaine, whilst stopping good honest people from earning a living for their families.

Occupy Wall Street will win the battle of politics and image.  And while they may be beaten over the head with batons, tear gassed and arrested..they will never have to post 10 million dollar bail for insider trading.  And no one will ever call them T-Baggers.

I will own the rights to the episode and/or season in which Dexter hunts and murders his most high profile victim ever:  Casey Anthony

Our next president will be a fascist, and might even have a pussy.

The Middle East will…. fuck who knows.  Help me on this one guys.

And finally.  The N.B.A. will occupy wall street.  But Lebron can’t come.

I think that sums up America today, at least for my simple head.  But please don’t take my word for it.  I would love my readers to post their own feedback.  Send me an answer.


Thank you.



2 Responses to “We Will Detain Monsters with Extreme Prejudice”

  1. tre muoy nig! Says:

    Aye player! Sick blog, diggin it. Fascist pussy presidents haha! That shit had me goin for a minute. Well aye man I think what your doin is some ill shit, and I wish we all could be so righteous. Keep up the good work my dude! And be safe out there in this crazy world.

  2. Hola
    Lo siento pero no puedo hacer comentarios sobre lo que has escrito porque lo único que conozco de manera cercana es a Dexter, que mal no? con la excepto la cuestión de medio oriente y las razones de intervención americana que conocemos, MAS que de cerca en latinoamerica. Por otro lado, estoy sorprendida de tu blog, generalmente los blogs de ciclistas están alrededor de la bicicleta, ciertamente como instrumento político en algunos casos, pero me gusta que tu incluyas el contexto social y urbano…. en fin creo que esto lo podemos hablar con unas cervezas.

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